A Sailing Glossary

ASSYMETRIC - Boat with medieval jousting pole designed to frighten windsurfers.
BLOCK - What you get when you forget the course mid-race.
BLUE PETER - …so would yours be after one of the winter series
BOSUN - when you have just won a bottle of wine and you drop a hint to your friends by leaving it on full view on the table in the club lounge.
CAPSIZE - the number you need to remember when your fifth hat of the season sinks without trace.
CATAMARAN - seldom on the water despite dinghy park being full of them, sails like a train, moves very fast, occasionally crashes and can't be get round course marks.
CLASS - the English have a complicated and very important class and sub class system. The 3 main classes are the Upper class (Sailing Club member) 'wot' own at least two sailing boats, the middle class who don't own boats and then wakers at the bottom who own a jet ski.
COLD FRONT -The greeting you’ll get on returning home after 6pm on a Sunday.
CLEW - First hint that the crew’s forgotten the course again.
DO - (AKA) 'Officer Of The Day', everybody needs one, no one wants to be one and everybody says they could do it better!
JIB, JIB, JIB - A series of meaningless expletives uttered by the helm to his/her crew on their route to dementia, hence ‘gibberish’.
KICKER - Useful trick when crew won’t do what she’s told.
MONOHULL - type of boat that looks like a turtle when upside down.
ROLLOCKS - Expletive uttered when you’ve driven all the way to the club but forgotten that vital piece of equipment that prevents you going sailing.
SHEET - Expletive uttered when a jib knot comes undone in a crisis.
SPINNAKER - colourful material that automatically ties itself in a knot and hoists the crew up the mast by the leg. Also, useful for doing an emergency stop in a dinghy.
START SEQUENCE - a collection of loud noises and brightly coloured flags that go up and down in what appears to be a random sequence depending on the senility of the Race Officer.
TENDER - Patching up the relationship after a pretty traumatic race.
STD - Sailing Transmitted Disease. Highly contagious, symptoms include a large grin and bruises. Though not usually fatal can result in divorce and bankruptcy.
SWIMMING AREA - the part of the race course, usually near the gybe mark, where all the fleet capsize.
TRAPEZE HARNESS - a chastity belt for men.

---

As the cruising season is about to start I thought this might be a useful reminder for the big boat sailors.

Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats.
Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.
Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.
Back Stay - When your partner stays at home because she will not go sailing in October.
Bare Boat - Clothing Optional.
Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are `bow sea' (waves striking from the front), `following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and `quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction).
Bilge - cheap beer (see freeboard)
Boom - sometimes the result of a surprise jibe. Boom - Called boom for the sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat. For slow crew, it's called `boom, boom.'
Calm - Sea condition characterised by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage.
Chart - a type of map, which tells you exactly where you are aground.
Clew - an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next.
Companionway - a double berth.
Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to.
Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations.
Crew - Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.
Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desired destination, or towards a hazard Dead Reckoning - a course leading directly to a reef.
Deviation - any departure from the Captain's orders.
Dinghy - the sound of the ship's bell.
Displacement - when you dock your boat and can't find it later.
Draft - The gap in your oilies between the trousers and the jacket.
Estimated Position - a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not.
First Mate - crew member necessary for skippers to practice shouting instructions to.
Fix - the crew's estimate of your current position.
Emergency Flares - old pair of trousers to change into if you fall overboard.
Torch - Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal
Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try.
Freeboard - food and liquor supplied by the owner.
Gybe - A common way to get unruly guests off your boat.
Headway - what you are making if you can't get the toilet to work.
Head up - Leaving the boat toilet seat up. When boat skipper is female, leaving the head up is a serious offence.
Heads - the deciding factor whether to set out or not.
Heave-Ho - what you do when you've eaten too much Ho.
Jack Lines - `Hey baby, want to go sailing?'
Landlubber - anyone on board who wishes he was not.
Mate - the term used to refer to the skipper just before explaining that the hand bearing compass has fallen overboard
Mizzen - an object you can't find.
Motor Sailor - A sailboat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems, and with some booze in the cabin.
Ram - an intricate docking manoeuvre sometimes used by experienced skippers.
Rhumb Line - two or more crew members waiting for a drink.
Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.
Sheet - cool, damp, salty night covering.
Spreaders - Barclay Card and Visa - useful for extending the sailing season.
Stays - position in harbour when gales are forecast.
Tack - A manoeuvre the skipper uses when telling the crew what they did wrong without getting them mad.
Tree - object to sit under, as a cure for seasickness.
Warp - The other skipper's version of events.